{ Dear Diary }

today's definitely not my day.. first i lost something that holds a sentimental value to me and then i simply humiliated myself.. arggghhh.. wats wrong wif me..

in case ur wondering what is it dat i've lost, don't worry, its not my engagement ring (otherwise, i'd be screaming my heart out).. its a birthday gift from some special people and believe it or not, the item cost approximately $200!! shucks raudah.. u should have been more careful.. nevertheless, what's gone remains gone..

i did send out a notice to one of the managers requesting them to send an email ard.. yah lah.. who noes someone found it or sumthing.. and while i was doing dat, i walked straight and confidently stepped into my boss's office and at the same time, the manager spotted me and we talked for awhile.. this whole moment, half my body is in the office and half my body is outside..

when i finished talking, i spun around and Ta-da! the whole structure of the office is totally different.. and someone was sitting there frowning at me and giving the 'what-the-hell-are-you-doing-in-my-office' kinda look.. punyalah paisey!! trus automatically i blushed and said 'oppssssss... soooorrrryyyy'.. and turn around and got the hell outta there..

now, i'm going off to meet my bro at bugis.. lets just hope no more embarrasing moments will come my way yeah?

beautiful DrEaMs @ 5:50:00 pm

been in an emotional rollercoaster recently. and been hit hard as well. don't worry. i'm sure i'll be fine one day but i dunno when dat day will come. as for now, i'm recuperating well.

and i'm thankful to you, for being so patient with the attitude i'm showing and all. and i'm hoping u won't give up on me.

u noe deep down inside my feelings for you will alwiz stay the same. its just the way i show it now dats different. but i'll still try my best to revert to my normal self again.

beautiful DrEaMs @ 9:38:00 pm

have u ever felt like an empty shell?

laughing and smiling to the whole world but truly, ur void of feelings inside bcos deep in there, ur all numb?

i dun actually noe what to say but its really a painful experience. and not dat i'm not doing anything to make things better but its hard. it somehow pulls me down further. and even if i do eventually get out of this mess, i doubt i'm gonna be the same person you knew any longer.

and i'm really not looking forward for that day to come.

beautiful DrEaMs @ 9:13:00 pm

the view from my office as a whole..

beautiful DrEaMs @ 4:53:00 pm

see anything interesting here??

beautiful DrEaMs @ 4:52:00 pm

there it is!! the number 13!!

beautiful DrEaMs @ 4:51:00 pm

a nice view of Esplanade and the traffic..

beautiful DrEaMs @ 4:49:00 pm

and dat's Marian's workstation..

beautiful DrEaMs @ 4:49:00 pm

nice view of the sky and clouds..

beautiful DrEaMs @ 4:47:00 pm

and lastly, my workstation!

beautiful DrEaMs @ 4:47:00 pm

Kittie, my newly adopted cat..

beautiful DrEaMs @ 4:45:00 pm

she's one strong cat!

beautiful DrEaMs @ 4:44:00 pm

did i mention dat i no longer haf my own cubicle at work?? but the good thing is, me and marian now share our own room. and the best part of it is we have a superb spectacular view of Singapore.

yeap, the room overlooks the Esplanade and Marina area. and our room is on the 17th floor so u can guess how beautiful it is.

just the other time, one of marian's colleagues, Noel joked that perhaps we had a view even better than any of the CEOs. Good one Noel.

ok u must be thinking "what the hell raudah". nutting better to crap about right? but simply by this view, i noticed lots of things i havent noticed b4. like for example, do u noe that the Conrad Centennial Hotel is actually built in the shape of the number 13? if u do, lucky u.

and i only noticed dat a few days back. even tho its pretty obvious. and also, everytime i'm stressed from work or other stuff, i will look out the window. and somehow, it'll haf a calming effect on me.

the clouds.
the buildings.
the landscape.
the traffic.

u'd never noe what things dat seems so ordinary can do to u.
and i'd leave it at that.

beautiful DrEaMs @ 12:02:00 pm

feeling down today and a lil unwell. and somehow i think that instigated me to bring up this grave topic.

DEATH.

not that i'm suicidal or sumthing. but i've been thinking lately and somehow my mind settled on this issue.

Arwah Farah Asyurah. Arwah Nurlena. Arwah Hamzah. These people left me at a very young age. And i was thinking wat would happen if dat were to happen to me. would i have enough time left to say my goodbyes to all? or would i just be alone on my deathbed? would my friends be there with me when i'm inches away from death?

come to think of it, i'd rather die alone. far, far away from everyone. so dat i won't be a burden to all. and so dat there wont be any sadness.

how i wish i can just disappear at times.

"Wounds may heal but once it cuts open again, it'll be a deeper wound. And this time round, i'm not sure if it'll heal at all"
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"Numb"

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be

beautiful DrEaMs @ 11:16:00 pm

Just sorta came back from giving the bdae boy his presents. as promised, now i can disclose what i bought him. its a philips shaver and a long-sleeved sweatshirt.

and i'm glad he liked it.

goodnight.

beautiful DrEaMs @ 12:19:00 am

Switheart's frens from work.. and dats Ruzail in purple.. Our fren from poly..

beautiful DrEaMs @ 12:16:00 am

Dats Abg Sabaruddin and Yusof..

beautiful DrEaMs @ 12:15:00 am

Zul and his sister.. cute kan??

beautiful DrEaMs @ 12:15:00 am

my little boboy.. haha.. i wish~ *rolls eyes*

beautiful DrEaMs @ 12:14:00 am

Ruzail, Helmy, Abg Aziz (yang, i cant say his rank here kan??) and his family..

beautiful DrEaMs @ 12:14:00 am

dats Fatimah on the right.. isn't she pretty??

beautiful DrEaMs @ 12:13:00 am

my last guests: Yazid and his fren, Huzaifah

beautiful DrEaMs @ 12:13:00 am

nemo sleeping peacefully..

beautiful DrEaMs @ 12:12:00 am

i got jealous so i joined him too!

beautiful DrEaMs @ 12:12:00 am

went out wif mummy to Tampines Mall just now after all the guests has gone home.. yes, we did an open house just now.. and special thanks to dearie and friends and also yazid who came over.. we really appreciate it alot.. *beams*

anyway, went shopping for dearie's prezzie.. and i bought him 2 stuff!! yey!! i really hope he's gonna luv it..

Clue for Item 1) _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _
Clue for Item 2) _ _ _ _ - _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

heeheehee.. wanna noe what the items are?? guess u'll have to wait till Tues or Wed cos i'll be passing him the items most prob on Tuesday! yay!! can't wait!!

hope u'll love it darling!! just as much as i love you!! *winks*

beautiful DrEaMs @ 12:32:00 am

today is a special day because 22 years ago, someone extra special was born...

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Happy Birthday Switheart!!!

May you have many happy returns in the days, months and years to come!! and also dipanjangkan umur, dimurahkan rezeki dan sihat sejahtera sentiasa!! and may we stay happy and blissful always!! i love you lots and lots!!

beautiful DrEaMs @ 2:37:00 pm

shamimi and shuhaibah..